Tag Archives: Children

No kidding

They certainly will ... you can your ass on it!!!
They certainly will … you can bet your ass on it!!!

When I am driving, I often look in the rear mirror and see my two little sons, aged 7 and 5, staring back at me from the back seat with their irrepressible cheeky grins. And every now and then, I would lean slightly toward my wife on the passenger side and whisper: “Honey, you notice those two boys back there? Who are they and where did they come from?

It is one of the many running jokes between us since we have become parents. Indeed, I often find it incredulous that we have children, given that my wife and I still behave like ditzy teenagers who probably wouldn’t get a job as babysitters if our lives depended on it. Continue reading


Missing chords with giving chores

My wife and I will never win any Parents of the Year Awards.

Lennox's Lion Attack - Thanks Lego!

Lennox’s Lion Attack – Thanks Lego!

Most of the time, we’re just bumbling through this whole ‘Raising Kids’ business with one singular aim – to avoid being hauled away by the Department of Welfare for Children.

Very occasionally, however, we get struck in the ass by a bolt of inspiration to teach our two boys some valuable lessons. And the current fad we are on is teaching them to work for something, to earn their keeps, and to save.

When we first came up with this gem, my wife and I were very proud of ourselves – so much so that we toasted a whole bottle of wine just to celebrate our parental wisdom.

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The golden boy

No! In our house, Daddy gets the biggest slice!

No! In our house, Daddy gets the biggest slice!

Some people think I play favourites with my two sons. There are certainly valid reasons for this perception.

For instance, I tend to speak to my 7 year-old elder son, L, with a more gentle demeanour, but only because he is such a sensitive boy who can sometimes take things too much to heart.

I also admittedly talk about L a lot more to outsiders – a practice that merely reflects his burgeoning achievements (at school, in sports, even at home), owing to his conscientiousness and general desire to appease those in authority.

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… and so it begins

My six year-old son L is turning seven next month. Last year, I was the official organiser of, and the entertainer for, his birthday party – an event that was held in our backyard with 30 of his friends and cousins (plus his then four year-old brother).

Now, son, let me tell you something about this "Game".

Now, son, let me tell you something about this “Game”.

This year, however, I have been dumped from these duties by my wife. The list of grave errors from 2012 that led to my dismissal in 2013 is pretty long, although most were honestly unintentional.

For instance, I didn’t know that one was suppose to fill the pinata with lollies and goodies. I genuinely believed that the lion-shaped papier-mache that I bought for last year’s party came with all the sweets already pre-loaded. Of course, I only realised my momental mistake when the kids finally smashed the pinata wide open, only to be greeted with nothing but air. What greeted me afterwards were 60 hostile eyes from the children, as well as plenty rolled-to-the-back-of-the-head ones from the parents. Continue reading

When the wife is away

My dear wife was recently away in Connecticut and New York for 10 days. If you ever wanted to get as far away as geographically possible from Sydney, you go to Connecticut and New York. When she first dropped this bombshell, the woman said it was for work, that she needed to put in some “face time” with the big honchos in the head office and build some relationships.

Who put all this crap in my basket?!?
Who put all this crap in my basket?!?

I don’t know whether she realised it at the time, but she was feeding me the very same line that I feed her whenever I go away on some overseas junket. Judging by the hours she spent writing up her long shopping list, I wasn’t even sure where she was going to find the spare minute to put in any “face time” with colleagues, let alone build any relationship. Continue reading