… and so it begins

My six year-old son L is turning seven next month. Last year, I was the official organiser of, and the entertainer for, his birthday party – an event that was held in our backyard with 30 of his friends and cousins (plus his then four year-old brother).

Now, son, let me tell you something about this "Game".

Now, son, let me tell you something about this “Game”.

This year, however, I have been dumped from these duties by my wife. The list of grave errors from 2012 that led to my dismissal in 2013 is pretty long, although most were honestly unintentional.

For instance, I didn’t know that one was suppose to fill the pinata with lollies and goodies. I genuinely believed that the lion-shaped papier-mache that I bought for last year’s party came with all the sweets already pre-loaded. Of course, I only realised my momental mistake when the kids finally smashed the pinata wide open, only to be greeted with nothing but air. What greeted me afterwards were 60 hostile eyes from the children, as well as plenty rolled-to-the-back-of-the-head ones from the parents.

I also forgot to make the rules perfectly clear to the kids during last year’s party that the treasure hunt (for toys and lollies) was strictly confined to the backyard. Needless to say, when I rang the bell for the activity, 32 over-zealous kids not only combed every inch of the yard, but also ranscaked the entire interior of the house, leaving a trail of destruction that took days to remediate.

However, this post is not about how I lost control of the birthday party for L last year. It is about how L is losing control of his love life this year, even at such a tender age.

You see, we have decided to hold L’s 7th birthday party next month at a ten-pin bowling alley, with a limit of 10 close friends from his school. Everything was set in stone. My wife was happy because I was in no way involved with the organisation. I was happy because there was no way I could reprise the co-ordinator role after last year’s debacle.

However, last weekend, while I was having dinner with my wife, she asked me whether L can increase the number of friend invitations for his bowling party to 12.

No way, woman! 10 kids from school plus 6 of his cousins. That’s 16 times $35 per small head! The fact that I can’t do the math in my big head tells me we are already spending a fortune!“, I whinged.

Yeah, but L told me he HAS to invite 2 more girls from school“.

Why”? I asked, without being particularly interested in the answer.

Well, L told me that if Madison and Grace find out that they haven’t been invited, he will be in serious trouble with each of them“, my wife whispered carefully, just in case L was easvesdropping, instead of sleeping in his room.

Who the hell is Madison and Grace? Are they even close to L“?

Well, close enough that each writes L these cute little love notes every now and then“, giggled my wife, beaming with pride that her elder son is already so popular with the opposite sex.

Up until that point, I was merrily enjoying my juicy steak while savouring a newly opened bottle of wine. However, upon hearing those words from my wife, I stopped mid-bite and stared at her with a dumbfounded expression.

Come again?! WHAT love notes? How come I never heard of these love notes“?

Before my wife could respond, I continued: “In any case, if these are the girls that he’s close to, why has he invited Eizar and Emily instead“?

Because Eizar and Emily have been writing love notes to L much longer than Madison and Grace“, my wife replied, with her giggles now degenerating into full-on hysterics.

I, on the other hand, didn’t find any of this at all funny. Aside from the burden of inviting all the girls who write love notes to him, I couldn’t help but fret over where this may lead to as L gets older. Judging by the appearances of their mothers who I have seen at school, some of these girlfriends could turn out to be real high-maintenance types – ones that could inflict serious damage to L’s fiscal and emotional well-being for many years to come.

Having said all that, I will OF COURSE extend the party invitations to those two girls – indeed to any other girls who have been writing cute little love notes to my son at school.

I will do it because the “Game” has begun and my son needs a dependable wingman. Someone who’s going to make him look good to the chicks, someone who’s going to be the Goose to his Maverick.

Most importantly, I will do it because the window of opportunity will be short – indeed, fleeting, before L realises that it’s not cool to have your father as the Goose to his Maverick.

Keep on pounding.

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43 thoughts on “… and so it begins

  1. Jess

    Ha! Love notes! I find that the girls in my son’s school (he’s 9) are very huggy. They are always asking him for hugs. I want to yell at them, “Stay away from my baby, you harlots!” but I control myself 🙂 Kids today . . .

    Reply
  2. TIA

    Go goose! I love that you “accidentally” screwed up your job last year… I’ve played that card before :). But honestly, this new wingman role seems to be more suitable for you… Good luck! And goooooo L:)

    Reply
  3. strawberryquicksand

    Reblogged this on Strawberryquicksand and commented:
    Jogging dad does just that. He jogs. He also recounts often hilarious anecdotes about day-to-day life. This one gave me quite the belly laugh so I decided to share. Enjoy, and if you like this post, why not follow Jogging Dad, too.

    Reply
      1. strawberryquicksand

        Hahahah mmmm ice cream! Thank you for the belly laugh about NOT PUTTING LOLLIES IN THE PINATA… lol that so totally cracked me up!

        Reply
  4. MaybeMarathoner

    Ahem! Though I don’t consider myself high maintenance, I dabble in it occasionally, and I like to think my HH benefits from it! 😉 Those girls might have more to offer than you think–glad they’re getting the invite and hope the party brings up lots of good blog fodder!

    Reply
  5. satanicpanic

    I never had a chance to ask my dad to be my wingman (don’t worry, he’s alive, I just got married young). I wonder how that would have gone. Probably awkwardly.

    Reply
  6. pieterk515

    My son received a note at the tender age of nine, stating the words: I want your body. That freaked me out totally, wanting to find the whore roaming grade 3. Turned out she has two older sisters with a gap of almost 10 years.

    Reply
  7. runningfancy

    Wow! The opening of last years disasters totally made me laugh-out-loud; I can’t believe that the piñata was completely empty, poor kids! Secondly, being a teacher, I still can’t believe how quickly kids are “growing up” —-good luck to you and your wife with the party and the transition from kid to young adult!

    Reply
  8. Rachel

    Hilarious! That Goose and Maverick metaphor has made entire day. And are you sure you didn’t sabotage last year’s party just so you would NEVER have to do it again? If I had my time over that would be my strategy 🙂

    Reply
    1. The Jogging Dad Post author

      Yes I think you may be right. I think I was in my rare genius moment last year when, deep inside, I knew the crappier the job I did, the better it would be for me longer term! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Brenda

    That’s it, run away from the party. Oops, I mean jog. 🙂 When did kids parties get so enormous anyway? We never had these giant parties when I was a kid, and now whole business flourish around these parties…

    Reply
      1. Brenda

        My biggest complaint, oddly, is not the expense of these big parties, although they can run really high, it’s what to do with all the gifts the kids get. The shelves are full. Too many toys, too many games, too many books, too much stuff!

        Reply
  10. smile breathe and go slowly

    oh dear…..my son is 12 and I can’t keep up with who the crush of the week is sometimes. My 9 yr old still isn’t all that interested, praise god. Thankfully I’ve made it through one child ( the daughter..phew) without too much difficulty. here’s hopin! good luck!! I think I’ll be worse with my boys….they’ve already been told no hoochie mama’s LOL

    Reply
  11. BriAnne

    Oh my. My son is almost 8 and I should probably write a blog post about the first grade field trip that I endured last year. I will never appreciate hearing his name uttered in such a flirty tone by eleven different 7 year olds singing Justin Bieber songs in the back of the bus. One even claimed he had kissed her. He looked like he’d throw up and that look changed to relief when he realized I knew the little harlot was making it up.:) I’m not going to survive. Good luck . . . if that will even help us.

    Reply
  12. kukolina

    This was so funny! I am taking notes because I have a son too. (Baby)
    I did not get the goose thing and why girls hug boys (I read the comments as well) but I am still super glad I found your blog! 🙂

    I better not write hugs and kisses like I do many times… (I guess…HAHA)
    Eszter
    http://kukolina.wordpress.com/

    Reply
    1. The Jogging Dad Post author

      My apologies for not clarifying. Maverick and goose are the two main characters from a very old movie called Top Gun, starring Tom cruise. I’m already feeling like an old fart reminiscing about it! 🙂

      Reply
    1. The Jogging Dad Post author

      That is so kind of you, I really appreciate it and, of course, sincerest thanks to Linda over at M&A’s world who I follow religiously. Btw, great party you got here! 🙂

      Reply
      1. Valerie

        You’re welcome! Linda gave me the words to describe your blog and I made the collage. 🙂 Glad you like it.

        Reply
    1. The Jogging Dad Post author

      That is so very kind of you, very much appreciated. Not sure about inspiring anyone, but it means a lot to me that there are people such as yourself who actually take the time to read what little that I have to say. Thanks again and, remember, the opportunity to run, even just once every now and then, is a luxury that we shouldn’t take for granted. 🙂

      Reply
  13. The Guat

    HA! The piñata story cracked me up! But I’m sure you’ll be fine this year even with all those love-note-writing girls attending the party. Good luck being his wingman, I’m sure you’ll steer him in the right direction.

    Reply
  14. lidou67lisa

    thanks for your comments on my blog. i do enjoy your posts jogging dade, but i am not one to “like” blogs just to be liked in return as you posted about doing…if you truly like my blog, great! thanks. but if it is just a way to get me to like yours, sorry.

    Reply
    1. The Jogging Dad Post author

      Point well taken. For what it’s worth, I “liked” some of your posts because I liked some of your posts, and not because I wanted some trivial “likes” back from you. 🙂

      Reply

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