My six year-old son L is turning seven next month. Last year, I was the official organiser of, and the entertainer for, his birthday party – an event that was held in our backyard with 30 of his friends and cousins (plus his then four year-old brother).
This year, however, I have been dumped from these duties by my wife. The list of grave errors from 2012 that led to my dismissal in 2013 is pretty long, although most were honestly unintentional.
For instance, I didn’t know that one was suppose to fill the pinata with lollies and goodies. I genuinely believed that the lion-shaped papier-mache that I bought for last year’s party came with all the sweets already pre-loaded. Of course, I only realised my momental mistake when the kids finally smashed the pinata wide open, only to be greeted with nothing but air. What greeted me afterwards were 60 hostile eyes from the children, as well as plenty rolled-to-the-back-of-the-head ones from the parents.
I also forgot to make the rules perfectly clear to the kids during last year’s party that the treasure hunt (for toys and lollies) was strictly confined to the backyard. Needless to say, when I rang the bell for the activity, 32 over-zealous kids not only combed every inch of the yard, but also ranscaked the entire interior of the house, leaving a trail of destruction that took days to remediate.
However, this post is not about how I lost control of the birthday party for L last year. It is about how L is losing control of his love life this year, even at such a tender age.
You see, we have decided to hold L’s 7th birthday party next month at a ten-pin bowling alley, with a limit of 10 close friends from his school. Everything was set in stone. My wife was happy because I was in no way involved with the organisation. I was happy because there was no way I could reprise the co-ordinator role after last year’s debacle.
However, last weekend, while I was having dinner with my wife, she asked me whether L can increase the number of friend invitations for his bowling party to 12.
“No way, woman! 10 kids from school plus 6 of his cousins. That’s 16 times $35 per small head! The fact that I can’t do the math in my big head tells me we are already spending a fortune!“, I whinged.
“Yeah, but L told me he HAS to invite 2 more girls from school“.
“Why”? I asked, without being particularly interested in the answer.
“Well, L told me that if Madison and Grace find out that they haven’t been invited, he will be in serious trouble with each of them“, my wife whispered carefully, just in case L was easvesdropping, instead of sleeping in his room.
“Who the hell is Madison and Grace? Are they even close to L“?
“Well, close enough that each writes L these cute little love notes every now and then“, giggled my wife, beaming with pride that her elder son is already so popular with the opposite sex.
Up until that point, I was merrily enjoying my juicy steak while savouring a newly opened bottle of wine. However, upon hearing those words from my wife, I stopped mid-bite and stared at her with a dumbfounded expression.
“Come again?! WHAT love notes? How come I never heard of these love notes“?
Before my wife could respond, I continued: “In any case, if these are the girls that he’s close to, why has he invited Eizar and Emily instead“?
“Because Eizar and Emily have been writing love notes to L much longer than Madison and Grace“, my wife replied, with her giggles now degenerating into full-on hysterics.
I, on the other hand, didn’t find any of this at all funny. Aside from the burden of inviting all the girls who write love notes to him, I couldn’t help but fret over where this may lead to as L gets older. Judging by the appearances of their mothers who I have seen at school, some of these girlfriends could turn out to be real high-maintenance types – ones that could inflict serious damage to L’s fiscal and emotional well-being for many years to come.
Having said all that, I will OF COURSE extend the party invitations to those two girls – indeed to any other girls who have been writing cute little love notes to my son at school.
I will do it because the “Game” has begun and my son needs a dependable wingman. Someone who’s going to make him look good to the chicks, someone who’s going to be the Goose to his Maverick.
Most importantly, I will do it because the window of opportunity will be short – indeed, fleeting, before L realises that it’s not cool to have your father as the Goose to his Maverick.
Keep on pounding.
Ha! Love notes! I find that the girls in my son’s school (he’s 9) are very huggy. They are always asking him for hugs. I want to yell at them, “Stay away from my baby, you harlots!” but I control myself 🙂 Kids today . . .
You’re a saint. If it was me with girls trying to hug my son, I would have changed school straight away! 🙂
Oy, I was a late bloomer as was my son.
Good luck to you. I don’t envy your position 😉
I try to look on the bright side. Imagine I had daughters! Forgetaboutit! 🙂
Go goose! I love that you “accidentally” screwed up your job last year… I’ve played that card before :). But honestly, this new wingman role seems to be more suitable for you… Good luck! And goooooo L:)
Now that you mention it, yes perhaps I stuffed it last year so as to never endure it again! What was I thinking trying to entertain 30-odd rascals! 🙂
Reblogged this on Strawberryquicksand and commented:
Jogging dad does just that. He jogs. He also recounts often hilarious anecdotes about day-to-day life. This one gave me quite the belly laugh so I decided to share. Enjoy, and if you like this post, why not follow Jogging Dad, too.
That is so kind of you. I’m honoured to be featured on your wonderful blog and, of course, am always enticed by the picture of the ice cream! 🙂
Hahahah mmmm ice cream! Thank you for the belly laugh about NOT PUTTING LOLLIES IN THE PINATA… lol that so totally cracked me up!
Ahem! Though I don’t consider myself high maintenance, I dabble in it occasionally, and I like to think my HH benefits from it! 😉 Those girls might have more to offer than you think–glad they’re getting the invite and hope the party brings up lots of good blog fodder!
A runner is always allowed the luxury of being high maintenance – she deserves it after putting the body through all that pavement-pounding! 🙂
I never had a chance to ask my dad to be my wingman (don’t worry, he’s alive, I just got married young). I wonder how that would have gone. Probably awkwardly.
Exactly, and that’s why it won’t be long before I am also dumped from wingman duties! 🙂
My son received a note at the tender age of nine, stating the words: I want your body. That freaked me out totally, wanting to find the whore roaming grade 3. Turned out she has two older sisters with a gap of almost 10 years.
Can you believe kids these days? It took me 18 years before I had the guts to say that to girls and another 18 to recover from all the slaps I got! 🙂
Wow! The opening of last years disasters totally made me laugh-out-loud; I can’t believe that the piñata was completely empty, poor kids! Secondly, being a teacher, I still can’t believe how quickly kids are “growing up” —-good luck to you and your wife with the party and the transition from kid to young adult!
Seems like it was only yesterday I was holding him in my arms. Now I have little girls wanting to hold him in their arms! Too quick, all this is going too quick!
Hilarious! That Goose and Maverick metaphor has made entire day. And are you sure you didn’t sabotage last year’s party just so you would NEVER have to do it again? If I had my time over that would be my strategy 🙂
Yes I think you may be right. I think I was in my rare genius moment last year when, deep inside, I knew the crappier the job I did, the better it would be for me longer term! 🙂
That’s it, run away from the party. Oops, I mean jog. 🙂 When did kids parties get so enormous anyway? We never had these giant parties when I was a kid, and now whole business flourish around these parties…
Yeah, not sure at what point it degenerated into this, but the kids are certainly not complaining!
My biggest complaint, oddly, is not the expense of these big parties, although they can run really high, it’s what to do with all the gifts the kids get. The shelves are full. Too many toys, too many games, too many books, too much stuff!
oh dear…..my son is 12 and I can’t keep up with who the crush of the week is sometimes. My 9 yr old still isn’t all that interested, praise god. Thankfully I’ve made it through one child ( the daughter..phew) without too much difficulty. here’s hopin! good luck!! I think I’ll be worse with my boys….they’ve already been told no hoochie mama’s LOL
No hoochie mama’s – that’s a good one. I’ll make sure I tell that to my elder son. 🙂
they’re figuring out what that means as they get older LOL
Hilarious post. The love notes – OMG!!! I didn’t realize it started that soon, thankfully my 7.5 year old daughter is not yet interested in writing love notes to boys. Let me keep my fingers in my ears and scream la-la-la!
You may need to sit her down soon and have a real woman-to-woman talk about why she doesn’t need boys until 20, and then the benefits of waiting another 10! 🙂
I grew up with a father who was a policeman, I think he scared all the boys away!
Oh my. My son is almost 8 and I should probably write a blog post about the first grade field trip that I endured last year. I will never appreciate hearing his name uttered in such a flirty tone by eleven different 7 year olds singing Justin Bieber songs in the back of the bus. One even claimed he had kissed her. He looked like he’d throw up and that look changed to relief when he realized I knew the little harlot was making it up.:) I’m not going to survive. Good luck . . . if that will even help us.
I never knew little girls these days were so forward. Whatever the hell happened to “playing hard to get”?
This was so funny! I am taking notes because I have a son too. (Baby)
I did not get the goose thing and why girls hug boys (I read the comments as well) but I am still super glad I found your blog! 🙂
I better not write hugs and kisses like I do many times… (I guess…HAHA)
My apologies for not clarifying. Maverick and goose are the two main characters from a very old movie called Top Gun, starring Tom cruise. I’m already feeling like an old fart reminiscing about it! 🙂
You *might* want to stop by the party at my place today…you’re IN IT!! 🙂 http://atlantamomofthree.wordpress.com/2013/08/23/rockin-recommendations-august-23rd/ Have a great day.
That is so kind of you, I really appreciate it and, of course, sincerest thanks to Linda over at M&A’s world who I follow religiously. Btw, great party you got here! 🙂
You’re welcome! Linda gave me the words to describe your blog and I made the collage. 🙂 Glad you like it.
Loved this post!
And love your blog 🙂
So I have nominated you for the WordPress Family Award
Keep me inspired, keep making me laugh
That is so very kind of you, very much appreciated. Not sure about inspiring anyone, but it means a lot to me that there are people such as yourself who actually take the time to read what little that I have to say. Thanks again and, remember, the opportunity to run, even just once every now and then, is a luxury that we shouldn’t take for granted. 🙂
HA! The piñata story cracked me up! But I’m sure you’ll be fine this year even with all those love-note-writing girls attending the party. Good luck being his wingman, I’m sure you’ll steer him in the right direction.
I’m not so sure I will steer him in the right direction, but I will certainly do my very best. Thanks for reading.
thanks for your comments on my blog. i do enjoy your posts jogging dade, but i am not one to “like” blogs just to be liked in return as you posted about doing…if you truly like my blog, great! thanks. but if it is just a way to get me to like yours, sorry.
Point well taken. For what it’s worth, I “liked” some of your posts because I liked some of your posts, and not because I wanted some trivial “likes” back from you. 🙂