Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been a whole month since my last run.
Go on, my son.
For some reason, I have a real bad case of the guilt. Which is funny, because I have never promised to run for anyone, nor does my lack of running adversely impact anyone.
But I take it you run for yourself. Perhaps that explains the feeling of guilt, my son … that somehow you are letting yourself down. That’s perfectly understandable, especially given how much energy your have expended into this particular hobby in recent years.
Oh wise Father, your wisdom knows no boundaries.
Oh, please JD, cut the crap and stop pissing in my pocket! Now, tell me, WHY haven’t you been running?
I don’t know, Father. Firstly, the weather’s been so cold. Ordinarily, that would be perfect for running but my lower back has been playing up due to the frosty condition. Secondly, things have been so busy around here that I don’t even have time to fart, let alone run. Then, of course, there is this little soccer tournament that’s going on in Brazil keeping me up until wee hours of the morning. It’s just … it’s just been so hard, Father, to find the time and the inspiration to pound the pavement.
Listen here, my son, and listen here good. On the record, I sympathise and I hear your heart-felt struggle. Off the record, all I hear is a grown man muttering: “Boo hoo, poor me, I got no time to run because of this, because of that, bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan”. Your problem isn’t even a first-world problem, my son. It’s a spoilt-brat problem. My advice? Just between you and me, ignoring this confession booth shenanigan? Suck it up and go for a run if you want to. If you don’t? Toughen up and move on. Just stop feeling guilty about something that rests entirely in your hands.
Father, your counsel is a little too forthright today but, as always, very valuable.
By the way, my son, 90% of the world calls the sport they’re playing now in Brazil football, not soccer. Now, anything else you want to repent today, my son?
Very well, then. I absolve you of your sins, subject to performing 10x200m intervals with 1-minute break in between. Now, get the hell out of here so I can get ready for France v Germany!
Keep on pounding.