Despite being 41 going onto 60 in biological terms, I still behave like an 18 year-old going onto 8 in maturity terms.
I was abundantly reminded of this during our recent family holiday. At all the fun parks, I was often the only adult shoving kids (including my own) aside to get on the best rides. I am the only parent at the resort acting like silly buggers with my boys in the pool. Even during meal times, I couldn’t help but fight over French Fries with the kids, and drawing an exasperated expression of “Oh, grow up!” from my wife.
But that wife of mine is not much better, notwithstanding the maturity she tries to project most of the time. For instance, at one of the water fun parks, the woman shoved kids (including her own) aside herself to get on the giant water slide. She was promptly taught a lesson on why one shouldn’t be so reckless at the age of 40, when she suffered a whiplash at the bottom of the descent. What’s worse, I had to spend the next two nights giving her a neck massage, a task that took valuable time away from Better Call Saul.
My wife can also be very childish in sly ways.
I recently made the mistake of admitting to her that I enjoy listening to Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift.
“What do they have that I don’t have?“, she snapped.
“Nothing babe, apart from the fact that they sing much better than you“.
“You know, honey, you’re turning into one of those dirty old men, you know that? Drooling over these 20 year-old girls! I mean, seriously honey, grow up!!!“, was how she left the conversation.
Or at least that’s what I thought, until one day I asked her to put some suntan lotion on my back before I went out for a run.
“Oh no, you’re not going to run without a singlet on again, are you?“, she asked.
“NO!, Of course not. But I MAY take my singlet off near the end of the run if it’s too hot, that’s all“, I replied defensively.
So what does my wife do? Instead of applying the suntan lotion like a normal person would, she used the cream to write “I ❤ Taylor Swift” on my back. And, of course, I only realised this the next day at the gym when some people hysterically pointed it out to me, as the words “I ❤ Taylor Swift” was faintly tanned across my back.
“Woman, that was very childish of you to write that on my back. I was the laughing stock in the gym today and have lost all manly credibility because of your little arts and craft“, I scolded her when I got home that night.
“Ah, HA! So you DID take your singlet off when you went for a run yesterday! In any case, you DID tell me you love Taylor Swift, didn’t you?“, and that’s how she left that conversation, giggling uncontrollably.
So, here we are, two immature parents trying to raise two boys aged 8 and 6, and having a tonne of difficulty leading by example. I will, of course, “grow up”, given that I AM the responsible man of the house. I will … but not until I think of a way to pay back my wife for that mortifying “I ❤ Taylor Swift” stunt on my back!
Keep on pounding.