Certainly would be much easier for both of us if I did!
There was a cranky man who swallowed his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed some wine.
That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.
He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed an aspirin.
He felt like giving in, teaching his kid multiplyin’.
He swallowed the aspirin to dissolve in the wine.
That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.
He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed some ice cream.
Because helping with homework made him want to scream.
He swallowed the ice cream to sweeten the aspirin.
He swallowed the aspirin to dissolve in the wine.
That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.
He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed a bag of chips.
Nothing else passed his lips as his kid asked for math tips.
He swallowed the chips to soak up the ice cream.
He swallowed the ice cream to sweeten the aspirin.
He swallowed the aspirin to dissolve in the wine.
That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.
He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed a baked sourdough.
Fucked if I know how he swallowed that baked sourdough.
He swallowed the baked sourdough to complement the chips.
He swallowed the chips to soak up the ice cream.
He swallowed the ice cream to sweeten the aspirin.
He swallowed the aspirin to dissolve in the wine.
That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.
He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.
I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.
Perhaps he’s going berserk.
**********
There was a cranky man who swallowed two bottles of Coor’s.
He’s passed out, of course.
PS: Full credit to Pam Adams for the well-known classic children’s nursery rhyme book ‘There was an old lady who swallowed a fly‘. I must have read that with my kids a thousand times over the years.
Keep on pounding.
That’s my excuse for wine, too. Sourdough is quite large, but still better than a fly. I feel your passion seething off the pages. I haven’t helped with homework in two weeks!!
Actually, one doesn’t need any excuses for wine – it should be drunk rain, hail or shine. 🙂
This reminded me of the Fellow who Swallowed a Cello, and the fly, too, of course. LOL Great job!
Yes, I think ‘there was an old lady who swallowed a fly’ spawned many follow-ups. But nothing compares to the original.
True! Hilarious original.
Loved the verse, hilarious indeed!
You do have a way of ‘turning a phrase’ don’t you?
Come to think of it, why this obsession with the kid’s homework?
What if…. the guy had spent the same amount of energy in trying to motivate the kid to his homework instead?
Shakti
I don’t think the guy (which is me) is obssessed with the kid’s homework. He’s just helping out as any father would do and, in my case, often on direct orders from the wife!
Perfect post!
Thanks madam, so kind.
This: “He swallowed the baked sourdough to complement the chips.” made me snort. 🙂
Thanks for reading, especially taking the time out of your bare ass classes – oops, have I mis-named again this latest-craze fitness thingie you’re on?
If it were bare ass, JD, I’d be having some girl on girl sexy time. The instructor was that hot.
Bahahahaha
I love this! Guess what song is stuck in my head now.
I think you’re too young to be humming that song in your head … or too old. I don’t know … I’m all confused now.
Haha, love this part “There was a cranky man who swallowed a baked sourdough. Fucked if I know how he swallowed that baked sourdough.”
I would pay to see a kid bring this typed up to their teacher as an excuse for missing homework. I bet he would take the award for most legitimate missing homework excuse of a lifetime. And maybe detention for some crude humor and F bombs 😉
Forget about detention for the kid. That will be nothing compared to the punishment that awaits the father from the wife!!!
Haha. Love it!
Thanks for the kind words, although my story is hardly original. 🙂
Hahaha that was truly awesome!
Thanks madam. What would be even more awesome is when one of your business ideas hits the jackpot and you still remember JD from back in the days! 🙂
Bahahahaha you never fail to make me smile!
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