Homework stress

Yes, sometimes it's easier if I just did it all myself!

Certainly would be much easier for both of us if I did!

There was a cranky man who swallowed his kid’s homework.

I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.

Perhaps he’s going berserk.

**********

There was a cranky man who swallowed some wine.

That tickled and tinkled his entire spine.

He swallowed the wine to drown his kid’s homework.

I don’t know why the jerk swallowed his kid’s homework.

Perhaps he’s going berserk. Continue reading

Quick Fic’s: The woman

I have decided to introduce fictional short stories to my regular roster of posts (see Origin of Quick Fic’s as to why I cooked up this crazy idea). What follows is my maiden effort.

I fell in love with her the very first time I saw her.

The attraction was immediate and had a sense of destiny to it all. Even though I have never met her before, there was a connection between us that was clear for all to see.

She wasn’t in the best of conditions that memorable night. There was no make-up, the hair was matted to her sweaty forehead at the front and terribly dishevelled at the back. She looked like she had just run a marathon but was definitely carrying some extra pounds all around. Continue reading

Reader’s Indigest

What's the relevance of the apple ... or the girl?

If you buy this magazine, you’ll get a girl like this with the apple thrown in for free

I sometimes splash out and buy one of those fitness magazines.

These usually stand out on a cluttered newsstand because their covers always feature an incredibly muscular man, with an incredibly beautiful babe hanging off his arm. I take it the subliminal message is: “Buddy, if you want a chick like her, you better buy this magazine and get buffed like him“.

And these magazines are not cheap. The particular title that I occasionally buy costs $8.95 a copy.

For that amount, I can get 2.5 regular-size cups of soy flat white from my favourite barista. This is a type of hot beverage that we in Australia call coffee – much better than anything from Starbucks. Then again, I don’t think the stuff Starbucks sells is coffee, so it’s hardly a fair comparison.

Continue reading

The Talented Mr Hoffman

The way I choose to remember him.

The way I choose to remember him.

More than 20 years ago, I saw a film called Scent of a Woman. Even though I was very young at the time, the affection I had even then for all things Al Pacino was legendary among everyone who knew me – something that has continued to this day.

However, there was a funny-looking minor character in that film who fascinated me. He played the role of a preppy spoilt brat so convincingly that I had trouble distinguishing between him and all the preppy spoilt brats I knew at the time. Continue reading

Bula!

Here are your boarding passes, sir. I have three seats together in Row 12 and just one seat by itself in Row 13. I hope that’s OK with you and your family.

See that little section on the upper right side of the pool? Our kids made it their own!

See that little section on the upper right side of the pool? Our kids made it their own!

My wife and I looked at each other.

We both knew what this meant.

It meant one of us was going to have the luxury of travelling on a four-hour flight in total peace and comfort in Row 13, while the other was going to endure the torture of trying to entertain two sons aged 5 and 7 in Row 12.

Being the gentleman that I am, yours truly of course offered to take the short straw. Little did I know, I was the unwitting victim of a master plan – one that was activated when my wife complained on the cab ride to the airport that she felt nauseous. How could I let her suffer the the ordeal of pacifying our two boys on an airplane after hearing that? Continue reading